MATH TEACHER ARRESTED

 

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.  At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. 

Al-Gebra is a problem for us, the Attorney General said. They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.  They use secret code names like X and Y and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, There are 3 sides to every triangle. 

When asked to comment on the arrest, the President said, If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.  White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement made by the President - It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

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Be Mine Or Else...!!!

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Winners V/s Losers

Winners V/s Losers


The Winner is always part of the answer;

The Loser is always part of the problem.

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The Winner always has a program;

The Loser always has an excuse.

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The Winner says, "Let me do it for you";

The Loser says, "That is not my job."

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The Winner sees an answer for every problem;

The Loser sees a problem for every answer.

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The Winner says, " It may be difficult but it is possible";

The Loser says, "It may be possible but i t is too difficult."

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When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, "I was wrong";

When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, "It wasn't my fault."

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A Winner makes commitments;

A Loser makes promises.

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Winners have dreams;

Losers have schemes.

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Winners say, "I must do something";

Losers say, "Something must be done."

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Winners are a part of the team;

Losers are apart from the team.

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Winners see the gain;

Losers see the pain.

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Winners see possibilities;

Losers see problems.

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Winners believe in win-win;

Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose.

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Winners see the potential;

Losers see the past.

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Winners are like a thermostat;

Losers are like thermometers.

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Winners choose what they say;

Losers say what they choose.

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Winners use hard arguments but soft words;

Losers use soft arguments but hard words.

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Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things;

Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.

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Winners follow the philosophy of empathy:


"Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you";

Losers follow the philosophy, "Do it to others before they do it to you ."

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Winners make it happen;

Losers let it happen.

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Winners plan and prepare to win.

The key word is preparation.

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THE RAIN ANGEL

THE RAIN ANGEL

Chrissy was a new angel. She had only been in Heaven a few days. Everything was so beautiful there, and everyone was so nice. And even though she was the newest angel she had been given a very important task.
Chrissy was in charge of the rain.
Every week, on Monday and Thursday, she had to be sure that the clouds opened up and spread their raindrops all over the world.
Because every so often, every living thing on the earth needed rain.

Chrissy asked one of the older angels if he could help her. "Well," said the old one, "the angel that had the job before you used to tell sad stories to the clouds, and that made them cry." But Chrissy was a very happy little angel and she didn't know any sad tales. So she didn't think that would work.

One night Chrissy flew up to see the Man In The Moon to ask him if he knew how to make it rain.
"Hmnnn," said the moon as he thought about the question. "You might try pinching the clouds to see if that would make them cry." But Chrissy didn't want to hurt the clouds and so she decided that was not a good idea.
What was she to do, it hadn't rained for more than a week, she had to think of something soon!

The next morning, as the little angel was walking around Heaven, skipping from cloud to cloud, she heard someone giggling. It was the little cloud she was walking on!  Chrissy bent down and asked the fluffy white cloud what was so funny.
"It's your toes," replied the soft one, "They tickle us when you walk!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Chrissy, "I shall try to be more careful."
"No, no, please don't," said the cloud, "We love to be tickled. It makes us laugh so hard we almost cry!
Well, that gave Chrissy an idea! She bid the cloud goodbye and went off to think.

The next day was Monday, and it was raining all over the world!  And there was a very strange sight in Heaven!  Little Chrissy was running and skipping and wiggling her toes across all the clouds in the sky.  The clouds were giggling and laughing so hard that tears were coming to their eyes!  And the tears were falling to earth and making a wonderful rain.
The grass was getting greener, the trees were growing taller, the flowers were looking lovelier than ever and all the animals had water again.
Everything looked bright and fresh and happy. The little angel named Chrissy had done a wonderful job and she still does it to this very day.

So the next time it rains in your part of the world, just think of Chrissy, way up in Heaven, tickling all the clouds with her toes.  And if you should hear some thunder don't be frightened.
Sometimes the clouds laugh so hard it sounds like a roar, but they're really just having a lot of fun.

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A wife was making a breakfast

   

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "Careful! Put in some more oil! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them!

Turn them now! You need more oil. Oh my God! Where are we going to get more oil?

The eggs are going to stick! Careful, careful! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?

Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. Use the Salt! The Salt!"

The wife stared at him angrily, "What is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you how it feels like when I'm DRIVING and you do the same! ! !"

'Share' and let all girls know! 

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